I got a friend request from my stalker.

Well, a follow request since that is all he is, a follower.I learned early on that every girl gets stalked at least once in their life.

I was out with a friend months back and we were discussing our previous “lore”, which brought up the memory of this said stalker. To my knowledge, I hadn’t realized that I had said “lore”. I thought we all had traumatic teenage experiences. I’ve pushed them down under the excuse that maybe it was normal?

I hadn’t thought about him in years until then. Funny enough, he recently requested to follow me. If I am being quite honest, my stomach dropped and I panicked. In my head, I couldn’t believe he had the audacity to follow me after everything he put me through. This is not your average weird guy stalker, who shows up to your job and is just a weirdo not so harmful. As a woman, I think it’s crazy that we have the ability to differentiate such energy. This was a guy I never officially met who I was basically in an emotionally abusive relationship with.

In my sophomore year of high school, we received a Polish exchange student. I never got the chance to officially meet him, we didn’t have the same friends or any classes together. In fact, I might’ve only seen him twice in the hallway. He found me on instagram and took a liking to me. It started as an online friendship, if we could even call it that. At first, I thought it was cool, considering we didn’t get new kids in this small town. He was a typical nicotine addict looking teenage boy stereotype. Wearing tacky supreme sweatshirts and vaping at any chance. 

Our friendships started off with sending memes and asking silly questions. Soon enough, the conversations became repressed anger attacks treating me as if I belonged to him. In reality, we were barely friends. He insulted me, called me ugly, and said he would never waste his time on me to later play it as a joke. Nothing about it was funny, it was scary and confusing. I was in an abusive relationship without even being in a relationship at all. We knew each other for about two weeks, that second week is when things went sour. If I did not answer my phone soon enough for his liking, I was getting spammed, 50 phone calls, 50 text messages. These messages were full of obscure insults. It was intimidating, but I had support. His actions didn’t fear me.  

One night at around 2:30 AM I heard someone outside yelling my name. Begging me to come out or I’ll get killed. When I heard my name being called, it felt like wind banging on my window. Loud, clear, sudden. I was now in fear, nothing is as scary as being in fear past midnight. I never told him where I lived, I still don’t know how he knew. This is still something I am trying to grasp. I blocked him on everything after that night. I couldn’t sleep, I had bags under my eyes. I couldn’t even quite comprehend if I saw him at all. I couldn’t think of anyone it could’ve been. I was scared of looking out my window. I stayed silent in my room.I seemed to be the only one awoken by him. My body had been triggered by a voice I barely knew. It was a complex feeling out of reach. 

After I blocked him, he sent me numerous messages through his email, apologizing for his wrong doings that he couldn’t even call out, while still insulting me.