my little red leather journal entries 03/03-03/09

I've been carrying around this tiny red leather journal in my bag and writing for only 10 minutes before work or anywhere really, these are some of my thoughts.

Monday March 3rd, 2025

There are so many prominent voices fighting to take place of the sound of your laughter. Jackson C. Frank named a song after me, yet I can’t help but to think of you when I hear it. Where did your ongoing dedication live when you were existing in my space? That painful folk, that longing for desire? Did you need to lose me to achieve it? Does it now feel like an accomplishment? Will the next person feel the resonance that appeared when I lingered in your environment? Is this your way of keeping the thought of me alive?

Thursday March 6th, 2025

I rediscover art in every corner I can. The way someone dresses to they was their mannerisms appeal. I’m pretty sure most people have a hard time identifying my sexuality. I dress almost alien. I choose not to care for perception, at times it works as a repellent. Other times it becomes attractive, the mystery of discovery. I am often feminine but have a love to embrace the masculinity hidden in the femininity nature. The stoicism of eroticism really. We are all attracted to the nature of our being. Often in love with qualities other people carry that we have in ourselves, falsely they usually look better on someone other than ourselves.

Saturday March 8th, 2025

These are often my public diary. I solemnly write in public, my little kind Italian journal. I often feel if I didn’t have it, I would simply die of boredom. I am the epitome of exhaustion. My senses belong elsewhere, maybe a bed, maybe a city. Not a church. I long to be the person who can emotionally handle day trips. How may I be 22 exhausted? Have I lost my passions? Where have my excitements left me? Lonely in the pots of my artistic substance. I must develop feeling, intimacy. I am always so close in a far manner. Greed allows me to wallow. Let me endorse in what I call mine. Lord forgive me for not paying attention. Often listening kills my creativity.

Sunday March 9th, 2025

Does intimacy still lay in a sexual act or is the mouth to mouth more intimate in this age? How may someone engage in someone’s sex without the consent of a kiss? Often my friendships relay that no kissing is always welcome. What has our society come to? You may want to lay with me, but not kiss me? Such profound thought must only awaken with comfort. Once you’ve been so intimate, you omit. Not the other way around. We have created ourselves as disposable as we can possibly be to put no respect on our organs.