roasting your zodiac sign with a book rec

I love analyzing zodiac signs and to be honest, I quite literally love getting roasted because of my zodiac sign. So here are some book recs for your zodiac sign followed by some non too serious roasts. Can you guess which sign is mine?

Leos

Are you tired of yourself yet? Always trying so hard to be in the spotlight, yet you are always looking for a bigger and shinier stage. Well, go find it in your dreams.

You are the Drama. You love to pamper yourself and look good, you always think you’re the best person in the room, I fear you should take a year of hibernation to get the self care you believe you deserve.

Get your beauty rest, yeah?

Taurus

Are you tired of being tired and complaining about it? God, all you ever want is comfort, you call yourselves “stable” but that is just a keyword for “boring”. You never want to look outside your box, and always want to be in your bubble. Your happy to complain about any life that comes your way as long as you don’t have to do a thing to change it…

Here is for your no plot just vibes of a life.

Your laziness is the only thing you should “worry” about.

Cancer

Please stop crying or I’m going to give you something to cry about. There are two types of you; the one who never talks, only cries and the one who doesn’t shut up, never stops crying. Sometimes I fear you are more “me,me,me” than Leos.

You are definitely the sign that would be susceptible to joining a cult, stop priding yourself on your love for The Virgin Suicides, we know.

Live out your dreams of feeling unhinged…

Aries

Are you bored of being bored? Stop feeding the chaos and close your damn mouth. We don’t need to always hear your opinion about literally everything. You’re emotionally impulsive and quite the opposite of stable, but don’t pride yourself on that. Chaos follows you like the plague… maybe you’re the problem?

This book will quite literally not give you time to be bored, so save your impatience for another time.

Aquarius

Oh, you’re just so quirky and different… but in a room full of you, you all look like a cult of robots. Designated to say the same “quirky” things and acting like the thought daughter. Take your “I am not like other people” literal, you’re basically the human version of an essay written by AI. Lacking emotion and lacking depth.

Let me know if this robot feels more “human”emotions than you.

Virgos

ya’ll love to say how things are just better your way, that you are so clean and organized. Let’s be real the only thing you guys are controlling, is manipulating the people in your life. You are basically the opposite of what your sign entails; not good with organization, not good with money, not capable of having mature relationships. You think a cancer cries too much? You haven’t see a Virgo when they don’t want to take accountability.

Keep living in your delusional world.

How does it feel to convince yourself to take credit for other people’s work?

Scorpios

You are not that deep, not that dark and mysterious. When you’re always in control you tend to lose track of who you are. What you really think of yourself shows through your lack of personality. Being a Scorpio is not a uniform. You pride yourself on being mysterious but in reality, you’re just a mystery to yourself. Get yourself out of that love triangle that you are always in, and figure out what you want.

I hope you find yourself in this book <3

Geminis

Have you figured out who you want to be today? Such a tough exterior but really just a cry baby. Yall are the biggest gaslighters, because you don’t know what you want, you attempt to make everyone feel just as confused as you are. LOVE to talk yet hate to listen. Never got time for anything cuz you’re always in your head.

To be or not to be…

Capricorn

Stop moving, you’re making me anxious. Your form of “relaxing” is multi-tasking yet you complain about how tired you are. You pride yourself on how ambitious you are but really, you’re just a people pleaser. You get employee of the month every month, people hate you but you’re clueless to it. Stop making lists out of enjoyment and do something actually fun for once. A for effort.

Since you love making lists so bad, make a list of the characters in this book and write a brief description on how much fun you had with them…

Libra

You just want balance, yet you let everyone walk all over you. You care way too much, about literally everything. Where does it get you? At the bottom of someone’s shoe. For your lack of decision, there is also a lack of self morality. You don’t have to be kinky because you’re lacking everywhere else.

I am sure you have delved into BDSM at some point?

Sagitarius

You are like the air sign of fire signs, very delusional. You tend to think the world revolves around your problems and dreams and take no consideration for anyone. You call yourselves wild, carefree and adventurous but you’re just selfish and dangerous. You don’t accept the fact that people may not be comfortable with taking crack from a stranger’s hand. Guess what? Not everything works out, you just have people constantly cleaning up your mess for you. BE MORE SELF-AWARE.

You’re the sister by the way.

Pisces

You are not Kurt Cobain. Stop listening to grunge and clean off that raccoon eyeliner off your face. You’re only wearing so that people can watch you cry. You wear your vulnerability on your sleeve only so that people can think you’re deep. I think it is time for you to carry a journal, not everyone needs to know how you feel all the time.

Desperate much?