say yes.

This time should be a healing time for me but I just can’t help the feeling of going unhinged. I’ve made it my mission to not say “no” this year, this way I can discover parts of myself that I wouldn’t have if I was just in the safety of my bedroom. I’d say this week alone I have hung out with more friends than I have since high school, which for me feels like forever ago.

I think a big part of being in your 20s is making connections wherever you can. Having time for yourself is important for your identity, I could argue that spending time with other people is even more. You figure out the things you like and occasions where you need to set boundaries. You also learn how you behave around different sorts of people, these events often make a foundation in your character.

I think it’s important to never limit yourself. Talk to anyone and everyone, who can help you discover things you need. Right now, I am still grieving a relationship. I am filling the void with hobbies, it still hurts. There’s this stage of confusion, guilt and routine that is hard to grasp. Not always having someone to reach out to is surely a change. Growing up together in a relationship, often means growing apart. You are not who you were in your teens. It’s hard to navigate adulthood with someone also trying their best. You start needing or wanting different things. The talk of future has a sudden importance.

I have been challenged this last week just by committing to saying “sure”. I’ve felt myself more vulnerable, more empathetic. I forgot that caring about the rest of the people in the world can make you more sensitive. Sensitivity is something I have been told I lack on. I’m working on it, the same way I am working on making connections. A year from now, I hope to have a couple solid friendships. People whom I will want to keep in my life for as long as I can.

This feels a little less formal today, I am going on a tangent. I just felt like I needed to put that out there, in case anyone feels this sort of way. Don’t feel guilty to want more for yourself. It’s okay to grieve but don’t lose your character.

This week:

I said yes to going to a tattoo shop (didn’t get anything), yet I went. I said yes to hanging out with a friend I haven’t seen in years. I said yes to a walk in the park. I said yes to tennis. I said yes to writing poetry with a friend (I never share my writing process). I said yes to exploring the world around me. I am finally saying yes.